she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
