i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
