i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
