Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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