so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
