I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize