I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize