we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
