Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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