Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was born a porn star she said
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
