the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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