Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
