Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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