The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
