So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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