I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize