____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize