It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
