I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
