Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
