well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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