But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
