Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
