I just threw up on my dentist
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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