Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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