I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
