i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
