I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize