Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
40s are totally the cure
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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