Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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