I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
