she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
