i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
