Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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