So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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