yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was born a porn star she said
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize