yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
