Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize