you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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