I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
