Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
