my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
where are my eyebrows?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
