I hate your face
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
