Im at strip club and am horny
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
