my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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