when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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