Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
