Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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