i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
