I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
