I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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