her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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