I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
