Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize