Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
