Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's always time for handjobs
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize