You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
