Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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