Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
