I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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