my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
