who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
