You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
