ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i now understand why vodka
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
