I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
