so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
