You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
