Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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