I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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