Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
