i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
