So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
