My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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