We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
