hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
