& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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