even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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