Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
