through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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