hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Someone signed my nipple.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
