I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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