Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
