I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
