Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All the doctor said was why
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
