So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
