I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
