why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
