well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am one with the molecules
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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