Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
