You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
