dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize