I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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