Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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