Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
