look no pants
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
