fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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