I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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