Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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