i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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