We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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