so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
