Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
