I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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