She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
